I’ve always been an extreme introvert, preferring to spend much of my time completely alone or in very small groups. It’s not that I hate people, it’s simply that—as with all introverts—socializing drains my energy, so I tend to enjoy solitary activities the most.
Over the years, though, I started to accept the fact that my aversion to socializing might be keeping me from living the life I wanted.
After graduating from college, I found it difficult to make new friends, as that required putting myself into new situations and introducing myself to people. Since I worked from home, my professional life was mostly fine, but I knew I was limiting my prospects because I never wanted to network in person with colleagues who could’ve expanded my horizons. And, needless to say, my social isolation made it so my dating life was pretty dismal.
Finally, it got to the point where my misery was greater than my dislike of socializing and I decided to just launch myself out there into the world. And the discovery I made changed my life: I had been using my introversion as a crutch.
For months, sexual harassment has dominated the news cycle. Kicked off by allegations of movie producer Harvey Weinstein propositioning young actresses in exchange for film roles, accusations have rippled across the entertainment and political landscape.
I’m not going to comment on what may or may not be going on in these many cases. Instead, I’d like to discuss whether today’s sexual/political climate means the end of cold-approach pickup.
There’s no question that we’re living in a time when men’s behavior towards women is being scrutinized like never before. However, instead of this spelling the demise of cold-approach pickup, I’d argue that pickup is more important than ever.
If you’re a relatively healthy man between the ages of 18-50, you should be having sex. I’m not talking about daily threesomes with NFL cheerleaders, but at least one encounter every two months with a woman you find attractive and whose company you enjoy.
Having sex is good for you physically, increasing your testosterone levels and boosting your immunity. It’s also good for you mentally, because sex isn’t just about getting off, it’s about connection, and if you’re not feeling connected to society, you’re going to be depressed.
Of course, it’s a cruel cycle where not getting laid over longer and longer lengths of time can make you feel progressively shittier, making it even harder to access sex. But if you’re reading this, that’s hardly news.
If you’re not getting regular sex, I can almost guarantee that at least one—and likely more than one—of the below reasons applies to you. Work on these aspects and you’ll be one step closer to a healthy sex life.
Cold-approach pickup is one of the best ways for an introvert to improve his social skills.
Meeting high volumes of women in social settings is an effective way to get dates and even find a long-term partner. Yet the benefits of pickup extend beyond just getting laid, including honing your conversation skills, enhancing your assertiveness, and improving your self-confidence.
But there’s a dark side to pickup. And I’m not just talking about the tendency to sexually objectify women, the very real risks of sex addiction, and an increasing difficulty in forming stable relationships.
If you’re not careful, pickup can start to warp your personality, where every part of your being is so focused on what might get a girl to come home with you from a bar, that you start having trouble functioning in other social spheres.
Usually, when I tell people I work from home, they say how jealous they are and wish they could do the same. While working at home isn’t an option for most jobs, an increasing number of employers allow it.
But the real issue is that, even if it’s a possibility, most people struggle to get any work done when they’re not at the office. Even introverts, for whom working at home without having to interact with anyone is a dream.
Am I seriously suggesting that it’s somehow difficult to stay in your cozy home all day, dressed however you want, in quiet, comfortable surroundings, with an unlimited supply of your favorite beverage always on hand?