– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound
There’s one bad habit I’ve seen in pretty much every guy learning how to approach women.
If left untreated, it will continue to be a major obstacle in attracting women in cold-approach situations. Luckily, once diagnosed, it’s one of the easiest things to cure.
The habit: standing too far away.
It might not sound like much, but proximity is often the difference between a woman perceiving you as a potential sexual partner or just a friend/harmless rando.
There is only so much a woman has to go on when you approach her. She can judge you by your looks: your face, your body, your clothes. She can judge you by what you say and how you say it. But perhaps most important, she can judge you by your behavior, which includes how you hold yourself physically.
A guy who walks right up and stands less than an arm’s length away—entering, without invading, her personal space—immediately registers on her sexual radar. Depending on how she’s feeling and/or how she perceives you, she might react positively or negatively, but you’ll never know unless you try.
On the other hand, a guy who wanders over and stands a few feet away may not trigger discomfort, but his distance may unconsciously signal a friendly, rather than sexual vibe, which she’ll often respond to accordingly. Additionally, standing too far away can be just plain awkward, especially when you reach out to touch her shoulder and miss completely.
If, for whatever reason, your closeness makes her a little bit uncomfortable, stand your ground: sexual tension is a good thing. Of course, if she steps away or says something about you being up in her grill, give her space, chat with her for a few minutes, and then try again.
Next time you go out and cold approach women, try to notice how far away you’re standing. If you can’t touch her shoulder from where you are, step closer.
If you’re doing this—even if you’ve been doing it for awhile—don’t beat yourself up about it. While it may partly be a self-confidence issue, it’s probably also coming from a good place, namely a desire not to make women feel uncomfortable. But once you realize that most women in social situations, such as night clubs, bars or festivals, have no problem with you stepping right up to them, you’ll stop worrying about this.
The reason I know this can literally be a game-changer is because a friend of mine pointed this out to me when I kept doing it. Since becoming aware of this tendency and making a conscious effort to correct it, the frequency of attraction I get in my sets has noticeably increased.
Try it for yourself and tell me what happens.