– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound
Qualifying—screening a woman you’re interested in for compatibility—is a win-win for both you and her. When you take the time to qualify a woman, you’re not just screwing everything that moves. You’re being discerning and only entering into relationships (be they short or long-term) that are mutually beneficial.
Because men so rarely screen a woman past whether she’s physically attractive or not, the fact that it’s so unusual might make her a little uncomfortable. But generally she’ll love it, because it shows she’s with a guy with standards who clearly has choice when it comes to women and therefore must be “high-quality.” Which means that, if she passes the tests, she must be something special, herself.
Qualification also amps up attraction like nothing else. Most dates involve a woman sitting back as a guy tries to “measure up.” By flipping the script, where she’s the one who has to impress you, she can’t help but be a little intrigued.
Don’t worry, it’s not as complicated as it sounds. Qualifying is nothing more than asking a woman questions about herself so you can figure out if she’s the type of woman you want to date.
If you make it feel too much like a job interview or formal survey, it’ll be weird and off-putting. Instead, pepper questions naturally into the conversation. Again, she might feel a bit awkward having to pass these little tests, but that’s probably only because she’s worried she might not be good enough for you. As always when it comes to dating, a little bit of tension is a great thing.
When she gives good answers, it’s important to reward her with her with verbal praise and physical touch so she knows she’s doing well. Also, you’ve got to make sure you don’t come across as having impossible standards or seem like you’re just trying to “neg” her so she feels bad about herself.
Of course, if she doesn’t give the answers that you’d prefer, it’s okay to gently make your disapproval known. A simple, “Aw, that’s too bad,” will suffice. But then make sure to follow up with a bit of a softball she’s likely to answer in a positive way so she doesn’t start wondering if you’re not compatible.
If she calls you out on what you’re doing, tell her the truth: That you can’t pursue every woman you meet, so you want to take the time to find out if you’d make a good fit. Since that’s typically what women do with men, it will make sense to her, even if she’s not thrilled with sharing the power.
I want to be clear here: Nothing about this process should be phony! Your questions should be 100% based on qualities you’re genuinely interested in in a woman.
Why the concept of qualifying might sound weird or manipulative to some people is because most guys don’t look beyond a woman’s physical appearance. Obviously, attraction is important, but focusing on looks alone is not only ignoring the person she is, but it’s the best way to get involved with a woman you shouldn’t have anything to do with.
So what to qualify her about? Make a list of 10 (non-physical!) qualities that you’d ideally have in a partner. Some can be deep, like her views on the meaning of life; basic, like whether she’s a fan of stand-up comedy; or silly, like whether she’s ever gone skinny-dipping. Try to weave them naturally into conversation, but don’t worry if you don’t hit them all.
Give it a try and let me know how it works for you in the comments!