– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound

Are you in your twenties and not getting dates, but you think that’ll change if you replace your wardrobe, move to another apartment, or subscribe to that other dating app?

Are you in your thirties and never been in a long-term relationship with a woman who you see as your equal, but are sure you’ll meet her any day now?

Are you in your forties and just gone through a divorce or breakup and think diving back into the dating pool will be a piece of cake?

Basically, if you’re a guy who’s not where he wants to be dating-wise and you keep telling yourself that the problem will fix itself—you’re in dating denial.

Luckily, it’s curable so long as you address the root cause: your ego.

Every guy wants to tell himself that he’s a Casanova, even when the evidence is staring him in the face. The first step is reminding yourself that being able to attract women is in no way a measure of you as a man. We all know deadbeats with few redeeming qualities who have access to women. Likewise, we all know great guys who just can’t seem to find anyone. Sex might be important in your life, but it doesn’t define you.

Once you acknowledge this, you can safely look at the obstacles that are keeping you from succeeding with women. Perhaps for the first time in your life, you can start being honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses, learning to maximize the former while building up the latter. As soon as you set out on this path, you’re already halfway there.

Lots of guys will tell themselves they can reach their goals all by themselves. After all, self-improvement is up to the individual and no one else, right?

However, we all have our blind spots and usually it takes another person to point those out. Someone who’s a good teacher and who’s been through it all before can help you figure out things in a matter of hours that might otherwise take you years to discover yourself. Or—in the case of most guys—never figure out at all.

A real man doesn’t let his ego lie to him that everything is fine when it’s not. And he doesn’t try to “go it alone” when he needs guidance. He focuses on the problems that need fixing and acquires the necessary tools to do so.

Haven’t you wasted enough of your life avoiding what you know you need to do? What you’re telling yourself is your pride is actually your fear. It’s time to overcome your fear and get to work.