Is Cold-Approaching Women Sexual Harassment?

– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound

Man touching shoulder of uncomfortable woman co-workerFor months, sexual harassment has dominated the news cycle. Kicked off by allegations of movie producer Harvey Weinstein propositioning young actresses in exchange for film roles, accusations have rippled across the entertainment and political landscape.

I’m not going to comment on what may or may not be going on in these many unfortunate cases. Instead, I’d like to discuss whether today’s sexual/political climate means the end of cold-approaching women.

There’s no question that we’re living in a time when men’s behavior towards women is being scrutinized like never before. However, instead of this spelling the demise of cold-approaching women, I’d argue that cold-approach is more important than ever.

There are obviously men who commit crimes against women. These men should be apprehended, tried, and–if guilty–prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

However, some of the trouble that arises between the genders is simply the result of misunderstandings.

Thanks to biology, your average man isn’t as good at reading faces, body language, tone of voice, or other social cues compared to your average woman. What women assume to be willful ignorance on the part of men is often just plain ignorance. Guys who are experienced in cold-approach are often much better at noticing when a woman is uncomfortable or simply uninterested. Your average dude, who doesn’t have hundreds to thousands of approaches under his belt, is far less equipped to accurately read a given social situation.

What’s more, someone well-versed in cold-approach is often better at picking up on subtle cues as to whether a woman wants him to physically escalate or not. Unfortunately, a lot of times a woman might be uncomfortable with what a man is doing, yet not verbalize it. And that’s where a lot of guys get in trouble.

It’s also worth mentioning that a guy who has been doing cold-approach for a while often has multiple options with women, and therefore isn’t driven by the sexual desperation that causes some men to ignore a woman’s discomfort.

Truly, a lot of what causes women to feel unsafe and uncomfortable around a man stems from nothing more than simple awkwardness on his part. These men often don’t have any bad intentions, they are simply nervous and not sure how to behave, usually due to a lack of experience. Ironically, the recent slew of sexual harassment allegations is actually making men more nervous and therefore more likely to act weird and creep women out.

Despite the sexual/political climate, I don’t believe for a second that the vast majority of women all of a sudden don’t want to be approached by men. As always, women want to be pursued by men…that they find desirable.

So the best way to make sure that a woman doesn’t feel harassed when you approach her is to work on yourself, hone your social skills, and become the caliber of guy she actually wants.

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2 thoughts on “Is Cold-Approaching Women Sexual Harassment?

  1. Great post! The guys who creep women out and sexually harass them are the guys who never learned “game.” Those who have no idea what “game” or “pick up” really is will be sure to criticise it. But it’s more important than ever for men to learn it.

    1. I think it’s often the case that the guys who harass women don’t really know what they’re doing. Of course, there are other incidents as well that don’t fit into that category, but they’re the exception, rather than the rule.

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