4 Things My Successful Coaching Clients Have in Common

– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound

successful manAs a coach who works primarily with men on their dating and social lives, I’ve noticed some major differences between clients who reach their goals and those who don’t.

If you’re looking to improve your own social life, here are four qualities cultivated by those who have done just that.


1. Not Afraid to Seek Help

Many folks with unsatisfying social lives spend a lot of time venting about their situation, often on social media. While this can sometimes be a healthy outlet, always complaining without ever taking action does nothing to improve your lot.

Every month I offer a handful of free, 20-minute e-chat consults to struggling men to discuss their dating. I don’t expect most of these folks to become paying clients, I just want to share some strategies that might help them get out of their rut, and hope they’ll take things from there.

Yet, despite their often desperate situations, a surprisingly high percentage of these guys will flat out refuse. Of course, some of them are skeptical of coaches in general, a skepticism I share, as there are a lot of frauds out there. But nine times out of ten, I don’t think their fear of wasting 20 minutes is what’s keeping them from chatting. Instead, I believe the obstacle is an unwillingness to ask for help, with the root cause being an inflated ego.

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When Should You Give Up On Dating?

– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound

graphicstock-cartoon-man-waving-white-flag_S78tlpumV-_thumbA surprising number of people—mostly young heterosexual men—are giving up on dating. While it’s true some of those calling it quits are doing so out of a desire to spend more time on their career or other worthwhile pursuits, for most of them it’s because they can’t find any suitable partners.

One poll reported 28 percent of men under the age of thirty didn’t have sex at all in 2018, numbers that have tripled over the last decade and are continuing to spike. While many men are still putting themselves out there, for others the disappointment and frustration have turned into despair and resentment and they’ve thrown in the towel completely.

It’s my personal opinion that if a man chooses not to interact with women that’s his business and I respect his decision. However, as a dating coach I can tell you the vast majority of men who have abandoned dating have done so too soon.

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PODCAST #17: Lessons from an Introvert Master (with Gabriela Casineanu)

On episode #17 of the Introvert Unbound Podcast, Wes talks with Gabriela Casineanu, professional coach and award-winning author of “Quiet Lessons for the Introvert’s Soul” and “Introverts: Leverage Your Strengths for an Effective Job Search.”

In this wide-ranging chat, Gabriela shares her wisdom on a variety of topics, including:

  • differences between men and women introverts
  • the introvert’s hero journey
  • and whether all introverts should move to Asia

Download or stream episode here

Podcast 17

The Paradox of Self Love and Self Help

– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound

heart vs arm-2Those of us interested in doing “inner work” have two conflicting schools of thought to choose from. The Self Help school teaches us to tackle our weaknesses while the Self Love school wants us to accept ourselves for who we are, flaws and all. Pretty much all of us end up enrolling in one school while ditching the other.

Self Helpers tend to focus on transforming their old “loser” self into a more successful version. Of course, since most Self Helpers set unattainable goals or goals at odds with who they truly are, they rarely achieve them.

Self Lovers prefer cultivating a mindset where they’re okay with their failures. Naturally, this reluctance to take action often means that their actual life situation doesn’t improve.

But what if you didn’t have to choose between the two schools and instead could embrace the paradox of self love and self help?

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A New Definition for Introversion

– by Regina Hopkins, Introvert Unbound

introvert head

Introversion is typically defined by where you get your “energy.” Even in grad school when I was studying introversion vs. extroversion in depth, the energy definition was the one that was taught. All the books I read and lectures from my professors told me, “It’s about if you get your energy from being around others, or being alone that determines your preference for introversion or extroversion.” While I accepted this definition and went along my merry way, I never really bought into it 100%.

As fresh information comes to light and we learn new things, we re-vamp old definitions and ideas. While I’m not completely dismissing the original definition of introversion, more than 10 years later, I found a definition I like better and feels more accurate to me. Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, stated in a TIME article in 2012 that introversion is really about a preference for less stimulation. When I heard that definition, it just rang more true for me.

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How to Stop Being Lazy

– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound

lazy manIf you’re anything like me, you go out of your way to avoid doing the things you know you’ve got to do. While your conscious mind is telling you to “Git ‘er done,” your unconscious is more like, “Squirrel!”

Sometimes laziness is a good thing, your mind and body’s way of telling you it needs to rest and recharge to prevent burnout. But all too often it’s just a refusal to get your shit together and it’s the main obstacle keeping you from the life you want.

The first step is asking yourself if you’re lazy. If you’re not, you probably wouldn’t have clicked on this article. So now you’ve acknowledged you are (see what I did there?), you need to decide if you really want to change. Maybe you’re fine with it and are okay with the self-imposed limitations. If so, enjoy the couch time. But if you truly are committed to working on this part of yourself, the good news is you’re already halfway there!

Welcome to Lazy-Ass Anonymous. “Hi, I’m Wes and I’m lazy.” The first order of business is to drop to the ground and do a single pushup. Seriously, do it. I’ll wait…

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