The Paradox of Self Love and Self Help

– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound

heart vs arm-2Those of us interested in doing “inner work” have two conflicting schools of thought to choose from. The Self Help school teaches us to tackle our weaknesses while the Self Love school wants us to accept ourselves for who we are, flaws and all. Pretty much all of us end up enrolling in one school while ditching the other.

Self Helpers tend to focus on transforming their old “loser” self into a more successful version. Of course, since most Self Helpers set unattainable goals or goals at odds with who they truly are, they rarely achieve them.

Self Lovers prefer cultivating a mindset where they’re okay with their failures. Naturally, this reluctance to take action often means that their actual life situation doesn’t improve.

But what if you didn’t have to choose between the two schools and instead could embrace the paradox of self love and self help?

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A New Definition for Introversion

– by Regina Hopkins, Introvert Unbound

introvert head

Introversion is typically defined by where you get your “energy.” Even in grad school when I was studying introversion vs. extroversion in depth, the energy definition was the one that was taught. All the books I read and lectures from my professors told me, “It’s about if you get your energy from being around others, or being alone that determines your preference for introversion or extroversion.” While I accepted this definition and went along my merry way, I never really bought into it 100%.

As fresh information comes to light and we learn new things, we re-vamp old definitions and ideas. While I’m not completely dismissing the original definition of introversion, more than 10 years later, I found a definition I like better and feels more accurate to me. Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, stated in a TIME article in 2012 that introversion is really about a preference for less stimulation. When I heard that definition, it just rang more true for me.

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No Growth Without Failure

– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound

facepalm-cropAre you trying to date or make friends but keep failing miserably in the process? If so, congrats!

No, I’m not making fun of you. I’m actually dead serious when I say those mini-disasters are some of the best things that can happen to you.

Of course, the frustration, humiliation, and isolation that often comes along with screwing up socially feels pretty awful in the moment. But if you succeeded at everything in life without trying, you’d never grow as a person.

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