Wes talks about finding the happy medium between social contraction and expansion as an introvert. How do you find your balance?
On episode #7 of the Introvert Unbound Podcast, Wes Colton finds out how Jeremiah, a 35 year-old introvert man, is transforming his social life by refusing to stay within his comfort zone.
Stream or download the episode here.
– by Regina Hopkins, Introvert Unbound
How long have you been on Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, Match, eHarmony, POF, Coffee Meets Bagel, Happn, Christian Singles, MeetMindful or Grindr? If you have used any of these for any length of time, your answer would probably be, “Way too long!” Being on these apps produces the illusion that there is an endless stream of new faces and bodies and the person on your screen is as quickly replaceable as the changing the song on your car radio. “Just swipe left if you don’t like them,” boast these apps.
Many introverts have an issue with these dating apps because introverts tend to value deep and meaningful human connections and dislike shallow and surface level interactions. However, these apps can be helpful, and as somebody who’s used them at various points, I can’t say they are all bad. But, they are a double-edged sword, to put it kindly.
With the sometimes limited focus on the person behind the face/body, it seems that dating apps promote an environment of expendability. And for introverts who crave deep meaning and connections when they do choose to expend their usually more limited social energy reserves, I can see why so many introverts in particular find dating apps to be disheartening at best and resentment/contempt-prompting at their worst.
Finding yourself resentful after social rejection? Wes ponders how best to weather the storm without becoming bitter.
– by Wes Colton
It doesn’t matter who you are, breakups suck. You invested anything from months to years in this person, sharing your body, heart, and mind, and now they’re gone, possibly forever. It’s almost as if they’ve died, but worse, in some ways—at least if they were dead you wouldn’t have to worry about running into them with their new “bae” at the grocery store.
But breakups are typically worse for introverts than extroverts. It’s not that extroverts don’t miss their exes just as much as introverts do, it’s that extroverts’ addiction to socializing means they’ll be out playing the field again in no time. In fact, they’re probably looking forward to getting out there again.
Introverts, on the other hand, tend to compound the heartbreak with crippling, existential dread. “You’re saying that I’ve got to sift through dozens—if not hundreds—of incompatible, draining humanoids before I find another of those rare specimens I can actually stand?”
– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound
We typically avoid political discussions at Introvert Unbound, preferring to focus instead on personal responsibility and self- development. But the recent controversy surrounding “incels” (involuntary celibates) has such a direct tie-in to our work that we felt compelled to comment and make a video.
For those who don’t know, an “incel” is someone (typically a man, but not necessarily) without sexual or romantic relationships, a situation they typically attribute to their physical appearance and/or lack of social skills.
Isolated by nature, many of them have come together through the Internet via platforms such as Reddit as a way to support one another, commiserate, or simply just experience the connection with like-minded individuals we all crave. However, following the deadly Toronto attack in April committed by an apparent incel that killed 10 innocent victims, these outcasted individuals no longer have access to their most popular online gathering space after Reddit banned the “incel” subreddit.
Continue reading “A Message to Incels”