4 Things My Successful Coaching Clients Have in Common

– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound

successful manAs a coach who works primarily with men on their dating and social lives, I’ve noticed some major differences between clients who reach their goals and those who don’t.

If you’re looking to improve your own social life, here are four qualities cultivated by those who have done just that.


1. Not Afraid to Seek Help

Many folks with unsatisfying social lives spend a lot of time venting about their situation, often on social media. While this can sometimes be a healthy outlet, always complaining without ever taking action does nothing to improve your lot.

Every month I offer a handful of free, 20-minute e-chat consults to struggling men to discuss their dating. I don’t expect most of these folks to become paying clients, I just want to share some strategies that might help them get out of their rut, and hope they’ll take things from there.

Yet, despite their often desperate situations, a surprisingly high percentage of these guys will flat out refuse. Of course, some of them are skeptical of coaches in general, a skepticism I share, as there are a lot of frauds out there. But nine times out of ten, I don’t think their fear of wasting 20 minutes is what’s keeping them from chatting. Instead, I believe the obstacle is an unwillingness to ask for help, with the root cause being an inflated ego.

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A New Definition for Introversion

– by Regina Hopkins, Introvert Unbound

introvert head

Introversion is typically defined by where you get your “energy.” Even in grad school when I was studying introversion vs. extroversion in depth, the energy definition was the one that was taught. All the books I read and lectures from my professors told me, “It’s about if you get your energy from being around others, or being alone that determines your preference for introversion or extroversion.” While I accepted this definition and went along my merry way, I never really bought into it 100%.

As fresh information comes to light and we learn new things, we re-vamp old definitions and ideas. While I’m not completely dismissing the original definition of introversion, more than 10 years later, I found a definition I like better and feels more accurate to me. Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, stated in a TIME article in 2012 that introversion is really about a preference for less stimulation. When I heard that definition, it just rang more true for me.

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How to Stop Being Lazy

– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound

lazy manIf you’re anything like me, you go out of your way to avoid doing the things you know you’ve got to do. While your conscious mind is telling you to “Git ‘er done,” your unconscious is more like, “Squirrel!”

Sometimes laziness is a good thing, your mind and body’s way of telling you it needs to rest and recharge to prevent burnout. But all too often it’s just a refusal to get your shit together and it’s the main obstacle keeping you from the life you want.

The first step is asking yourself if you’re lazy. If you’re not, you probably wouldn’t have clicked on this article. So now you’ve acknowledged you are (see what I did there?), you need to decide if you really want to change. Maybe you’re fine with it and are okay with the self-imposed limitations. If so, enjoy the couch time. But if you truly are committed to working on this part of yourself, the good news is you’re already halfway there!

Welcome to Lazy-Ass Anonymous. “Hi, I’m Wes and I’m lazy.” The first order of business is to drop to the ground and do a single pushup. Seriously, do it. I’ll wait…

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