The Paradox of Self Love and Self Help

– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound

heart vs arm-2Those of us interested in doing “inner work” have two conflicting schools of thought to choose from. The Self Help school teaches us to tackle our weaknesses while the Self Love school wants us to accept ourselves for who we are, flaws and all. Pretty much all of us end up enrolling in one school while ditching the other.

Self Helpers tend to focus on transforming their old “loser” self into a more successful version. Of course, since most Self Helpers set unattainable goals or goals at odds with who they truly are, they rarely achieve them.

Self Lovers prefer cultivating a mindset where they’re okay with their failures. Naturally, this reluctance to take action often means that their actual life situation doesn’t improve.

But what if you didn’t have to choose between the two schools and instead could embrace the paradox of self love and self help?

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Overcoming Hardship as a Man

– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound

sad-boyNo question being born a man has its advantages. But you don’t need me to tell you it also comes with its share of obstacles.

When you’re struggling to pay the bills, getting left-swiped on all the dating apps, and generally confused about your place in the world, it can hurt to be constantly told how easy your life is simply because you were born with an X and a Y chromosome.

Painful as it is to have your problems laughed at and dismissed, whatever you do, don’t let yourself become bitter. Wallowing in negativity does nothing to improve your situation and, in fact, can knock you off your path entirely.

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Skipping a Level Isn’t the Same as Beating It

-by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound

Skipping-levelI get it. You’re not where you want to be in life and you’re overwhelmed by all the hard work it’s going to take to get there.

You’re constantly bombarded with advice from friends, family, coaches, therapists, and gurus: Read books. Socialize more. Lift weights. Take classes. Change your diet. Find a new career. All of these options—many of which aren’t right for you now or contradict one another—no wonder you’re starting to tune them out.

Obviously, you can’t do everything at once. The key is to pick a single area and make that your focus for a while.

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