If you’re an introvert, socializing probably isn’t your strong suit. But interacting well with people is the key to success in dating, friendships, and your career. Stop settling for less in your life—hone your strengths, shore up your weaknesses, and become the Introvert Unbound!
It’s rare for a woman to approach a man. But, should you be such a lucky guy who does get approached your odds are better than not that the woman is definitely interested and probably feels at least some attraction for you (and more than likely, quite a bit of attraction!). I know because I’m a woman and this scenario happened to me this past week.
I’d like to tell you about my recent experience where I was the one to approach a guy I was interested in at the gym. As a more “traditional gender-role” person, I do tend to prefer to ascribe to the customary roles of the man approaching me, however in this particular case, I didn’t sense that I might get a chance to talk to this guy if I wasn’t the one to open that door first. I also know enough about myself that I sometimes can self-sabotage my own natural body language and suppress it, especially with guys I may actually be interested in. Because I would say I do not naturally display those typical subtle female flirting signals, I decided I needed a slightly more direct approach to indicate I was open and receptive.
After I share my story, I’ll break down my own approach technique so that you may learn from what I did and use it in your own approaches with women. And if you’re anything like me, approaching somebody you’re actually into is a nerve wrecking experience. But, on the other hand, if you don’t do it, you might let a fantastic opportunity slip through your fingers.
Now, I also realize that the tactics for approaching women versus men can be different, however the initial greeting won’t be all that different. So I will give you some general “guidelines” to follow whether you’re a man or woman (whoever is doing the initiating) or opening the conversation “cold approach” style so that you may hopefully be successful and have a positive outcome.
For months, sexual harassment has dominated the news cycle. Kicked off by allegations of movie producer Harvey Weinstein propositioning young actresses in exchange for film roles, accusations have rippled across the entertainment and political landscape.
I’m not going to comment on what may or may not be going on in these many unfortunate cases. Instead, I’d like to discuss whether today’s sexual/political climate means the end of cold-approaching women.
There’s no question that we’re living in a time when men’s behavior towards women is being scrutinized like never before. However, instead of this spelling the demise of cold-approaching women, I’d argue that cold-approach is more important than ever.
Cold-approaching women is one of the best ways for an introvert to improve his social skills.
Meeting high volumes of women in social settings is an effective way to get dates and even find a long-term partner. Yet the benefits of cold-approach extend beyond just getting laid, including honing your conversation skills, enhancing your assertiveness, and improving your self-confidence.
But there’s a dark side to cold-approach. And I’m not just talking about the tendency to sexually objectify women, the very real risks of sex addiction, and an increasing difficulty in forming stable relationships.
If you’re not careful, cold-approach can start to warp your personality, where every part of your being is so focused on what might get a girl to come home with you from a bar, that you start having trouble functioning in other social spheres.
Qualifying—screening a woman you’re interested in for compatibility—is a win-win for both you and her. When you take the time to qualify a woman, you’re not just screwing everything that moves. You’re being discerning and only entering into relationships (be they short or long-term) that are mutually beneficial.
Because men so rarely screen a woman past whether she’s physically attractive or not, the fact that it’s so unusual might make her a little uncomfortable. But generally she’ll love it, because it shows she’s with a guy with standards who clearly has choice when it comes to women and therefore must be “high-quality.” Which means that, if she passes the tests, she must be something special, herself.
Qualification also amps up attraction like nothing else. Most dates involve a woman sitting back as a guy tries to “measure up.” By flipping the script, where she’s the one who has to impress you, she can’t help but be a little intrigued.
Don’t worry, it’s not as complicated as it sounds. Qualifying is nothing more than asking a woman questions about herself so you can figure out if she’s the type of woman you want to date.
Rejection is one of the toughest things about meeting women.
When you first start out trying to improve your dating life, your biggest obstacle will be the sheer number of rejections you’ll be racking up. It just goes with the territory–as long men as are the ones expected to initiate interactions with women, rejection will always be there.
Though it may sound counterintuitive, the more successful you get with women, the more rejections you’ll be experiencing.
Case in point: Over the past couple of months, I’ve had more women in my “funnel” than ever before. And while it’s resulting in a higher number of “successes,” it also means that I’m getting way more rejections than normal, which, no matter how desensitized you are to the phenomenon, still hurts.
Ironically, there is less pain involved with only meeting a handful of women, because even if you don’t get anywhere with any of them, at least there will only be a small number of “no’s” you have to suffer through.
And that’s the thing…Guys who learn to shrug off rejection are the ones who end up persevering and achieving the success they want with women. While the ones who can’t handle the pain are the ones who give up.